Life the REAL sitcom: OH EM JEE!
by SakuChan5
Summary: Sakura Kinomoto and Syaoran Li are best friends and mortal enemies. They're practically joined by the hip. Everything is fine until Sakura gets drunk, and meets a wacko gypsy who tells her Syaoran Li is her ONE. Her soul mate. That's when all goes to hell
1. THE MYSTIC: OH EM JEE XD

**Life The Real Sitcom: OH EM JEE**

**Chapter 1**

BY: SakuChan5 aka L.A.

Sakura Kinomoto stood waiting at the local bus stop on the corner of her street. Just like she did every other morning before school. The light breeze gently caressed her silky auburn locks and the sun glinted off of the charm bracelet set against her milky porcelain skin. She stood wearing her school uniform with thigh high red and white striped socks and a pair of miu miu flats painted in sakura blossoms.

But something was off. She wasn't her usual collected self. She was nervous and jittery, pacing back and forth in front of the bus stop. Maybe even paranoid as she glanced around as if expecting some wild animal to jump at her.

That's when **HE** showed up.

Who's **HE** you ask? Well.....

**HE** is her mortal enemy.

**HE** is her best friend.

**HE** is her first crush...oh wait WAS her first crush..SORT OF...it's complicated.

**HE** is her first roomate.

**HE** is her partner in crime.

**HE** is her other half.

**HE** is _THE ONE_..or so she'd been told by the kooky old hag at one of those mystic booths last night.

So why was she nervous all of a sudden? This was _SYAORAN_ _LI_ we were talking about.

Her childhood friend. Her best friend...her mortal enemy...her other half.. You know in that non-lovey dovey kind of way.

She'd spent every waking moment of her life with this kid..since they were in DIAPERS.

Sure she'd had that little crush on him back in kindergarten when he'd heroically held her hand on the first day of school and punched out Nuno Kenzo for her.

Afterall who wants cooties on their first day of school? Especially when the 4 year old was practically throwing himself at her.

But it had worn off as soon as Tomoyo Chan (her new buddy) had told her Syaoran had the cooties too.

Indeed it had come as a shock to her to find out that ALL BOYS had cooties..not only the scary, ugly kinds like Nuno Kenzo.

That's pretty much when it all went to hell.

From best friend to first crush of a mere 5 minutes to mortal enemy.

Over the last 16 years the two had spent soo much time together they were practically inseparable.

They'd watched movies and made fun of all the cheesy actors who acted like they could actually act, while they actually couldn't act because that would actually involve knowing how to make a living out of knowing how to act.

They'd fought for months at a time, where they'd made each others life hell, in the literal sense. But then still managed to come through when the they needed one another.

They'd seen each other laugh, and cry.

They'd told each other all their secrets....CORRECTION there were no secrets amongst best friends/mortal enemies/partners-in-crime.

They'd been there for each other when they both had their first break ups, ironically in the same week before Summer break. Coincidence? or Fate?

They'd spent days cruising up and down Main street in Syao's BMW making fun of all the losers at school.

They'd spent nights watching the sun set by the beach and many many more lying side by side on Tomoeda Hill star gazing and talking about the future.

**Then** they'd turned 16 and decided to go to that New Year Eve's festival that pops up every year.... oh I don't know..around NEW YEARS...the one they NEVER GO TO.

But this time they did. And it pretty much changed everything.

Sakura remembered vaguely what had happened.

She had shown up with Syoaran, met up with Tomoyo, had gotten drunk and had passed out only to be awakened by a loud shrieking horse like creature.

CORRECTION it was an old hag and she was shrieking about....something.

Something that sounded oddly like "BOY!...EVIL!...PUKE!....PUKE!...KILL!...DISNEYLAND!....OPRAH WINFREY!....DIE!...DIE!"

The MYSTIC.

BARF.

Sometime, during the haze, Sakura seemed to realize that SHE was the one being hollered at and decided to get on out of their before the old kook did some voodoo on her for throwing up all over her carpet.

But the hag grabbed her, whipped her around and whispered "The boy. The boy you loveth, YOU'RE ONE!! He is near. Beware the life altering changes headed your way. He cometh. Accept him or he sha'll perish. Away away evil child." in this eerie "ARE YOU IN THE BEYOND?" sort of way.

The last thing Sakura remembered was being pushed out of the stall and landing in a pair of strong arms. Shaggy chestnut hair tickled her cheek and the tip of her nose before she blacked out.

Which was all fine and dandy except for 3 things.

1) The only boy in Sakura's life was Syaoran Li.

2)They were best friends and mortal enemies.

3)As far as Sakura was concerned she did '**loveth**' Syaoran just not in _that _way.

Which is why she had nothing to fear or be nervous about.

Afterall Syaoran was **NOT** _her one_. She did not _loveth_ Syaoran Li.

There was no reason for her hands to get all clammy and sweaty as he grinned at her sauntering over lazily and staring at her as if SHE were the sun the Earth revolved around.

There was no reason for her to back away.

There was no reason for her to shriek "NOOOOOOOO" at the top of her lungs before spinning around and running for dear life.

There was no reason for her to do any of it.

BUT SHE DID.

What the *insert swear word of choice here* was going on?

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	2. Meet Sakura KinOmOtO aka KuRa!

**Life The Real Sitcom: OH EM JEE**

**Chapter 2  
**

BY: SakuChan5 aka L.A.

**AU: Meet SakUrA kInOmOtO hahaha..............=)**

* * *

**Sakura's POV**

My heart is beating like a wild animal's.

I feel like I'm going to die (or pass out), so I take a deep breath only to have it instantly knocked out of me.

_Why?_

Because_** he**_ is there.

Running after me.

Calling out my name, a mock pout on his lips, as if I did this everyday.

The way he gnaws on his lower lip gives him away though.

He's worried.

Sakura Kinomoto has never run away from Syaoran Li.

She's never had reason to.

I gulp down the bile rising in my throat and do what any sane girl who'd gotten drunk at a carnival, and had a kooky old hag tell her her best friend/ mortal enemy was "_**THE One!!**_" _would_ do.

I run to Syaoran, jump into his arms, and kiss him smack on the lips.

* * *

**Normal POV**

Pfft.

Puh-leez.

What do you take this for?

SOme cheesy CCS fanfic? (;P)

No. This was real life, and in real life Sakura Kinomoto didn't sexually harass helpless guys.

She flew commando style into a row of rose bushes, only to realize too late that while being pricked by a single thorn isn't all that bad, being pricked by a gazillion thorns all over hurts like a BIT**--well you get the picture. (And if you don't, bless your virgin ears. HAHAHA....).

Sakura lay there for a second, warily aware of Syaoran sprinting right past her hiding spot.

After making sure he was far enough away that she could no longer hear his feet against the gravel, she stood up to check the damage.

An involuntary gasp escaped her lips when she pulled out the first thorn. Followed by a gazillion others when she went to work on the others.

After what felt like an eternity Sakura pulled out the last thorn, did a 360 of her surroundings, and realized she was standing in Syaoran's backyard.

"HA! hahaha!!" she let out a loud laugh that scared away a nearby squirrel.

She found it insanely hilarious that while trying to avoid Syaoran she'd not only been pricked to death--well she wasn't really dead but that's what it FELT like!!--but she'd also ended up in his own backyard.

Now that she thought about it though maybe those weren't really roses?

She **_was_** feeling sleepy, and the small red spots all over her arms and exposed thighs, below her skirt, were starting to look oddly blue-ish, yellow.

'What if they were poisonous!!??' she thought wildly.

After all just last week a Tomoeda high senior had died after eating a flower that he claimed looked like a cherry!!

What if all flowers were evolving into dangerous herbs?!

"OMG I'm going to DIE!!" Sakura yelled, running around in circles until she slammed right into a wall.

CORRECTION.

A warm wall.

A warm _moving_ wall.

Hmmm. This had possibilities. She glanced up.

"YOU."

"Eeeep!" Sakura yelped, back tracking when she realized she'd run smack into Syaoran.

"Oh hell, no" he gritted out slamming his arms on either side of her head against a tree trunk.

He looked pissed.

_**SO**_ she did what anyone smart enough would do.

She ducked under his arms and made a run for it.

'Haha...sucker.' she thought smugly 'He had it coming.'

She didn't get far though before he grabbed her around the waist and they both went down.

Hard. Ouch.

Sakura screeched, and struggled when Syaoran pinned her arms to the ground and straddled her across the waist.

"Syaoran Li, you get off of me Right. This. INSTANT!!" she bellowed kicking with all of her might.

"Not until you tell me why you ran away from m--whoa whoa whoa what happened to your thighs!!?" Syaoran exclaimed, running a hand over the spots on her thighs where she'd pricked herself.

Sakura gasped and flipped Syaoran over with all of her might. She sat straddling him and breathing hard.

"Okay Kura, where is he?"

"Excuse me??"

"You know what I'm talking about. The dude you were getting busy with. Sounded pretty ero, I could hear you moaning and groaning from a block away, and then the screams......tsk tsk...."

"--Shut up." she cut him off, punching him in the shoulder.

Sakura could feel her face heating up. Had he heard all that?? She hadn't realized she'd been so loud. So that's why he'd come back.

" Is that what those are?? Hickies??"

"NO!!" Sakura yelped turning beet red when he tried to grab at her thighs again, and rolled off of him.

"Sakura Kinomoto. I didn't think you had it in you!! " Syaoran laughed crushing her in a bear hug. His shaggy locks grazing her cheeks.

The indignant, strangled sounds she made against his chest only made him laugh harder.

'He smells nice.' Sakura thought distantly. 'WHOA. Back up here. Since when does SYaoran Li smell ANYTHING?? Especially to _you_??'

"ENough!" she bristled pushing him off of her. "You've got it all wrong. I fell into those rose bushes right over there."

"Oh wow. Real original kura. Maybe I'd believe you if you hadn't given me the exact same excuse the last time I found you here." He gave her a meaningful look.

Shit. He was right.

Of course the last time she'd gone hiking with the new girl in school and gotten poison ivy. She hadn't wanted to freak Syaoran out so she'd lied.

Needless to say that was her first and last direct encounter with nature.

Until NOW.

'Nature thou arth my enemy' she thought bitterly, glaring at nothing in particular and shaking her fist back and forth.

"Babe, I'm not the enemy here." Syaoran laughed, giving Sakura a peck on the cheek.

"Come on." he said picking her up and throwing her over his shoulder. "Let's see what we can find to cover up those marks."

"No. NOO!! Syao put me down!! I'll go home by myself!" she hollered pounding on his back.

"And say **what** to your Dad?" he asked incredulous.

Point one for Syao.

* * *

Sakura's POV

"You've gotta be kidding me." I say staring at myself through a wall sized mirror in Syaoran's room.

"I think it's totally you." he says with a straight face.

I give him a mutinous glare and I can tell he's trying not to laugh.

He's wrapped me up like a mummy.

I can't see my thighs or my arms.

I glare at him some more.

"Keep doing that and your face will get stuck that way" he says circling around me.

"Bite me."

Quick as lightning he's on me.

We land on his bed and are rolling around like horny teenagers when his mom walks in on us.

"Oh my. Bad timing." She steps back out closing the door behind her.

I catch Syaoran off guard and smack him in the face with a pillow.

"Ohoho" I laugh because the pillow's exploded and theres fluff everywhere.

Syaoran blows some fluff off his nose and gives me a "Oh you've done it now" look before advancing on me.

I try to dodge but he lands on top of me anyways.

I squeal and am trying to get away from his prying hands when the door swings open again.

Syaoran trips up and falls over the side of the bed. "Shit..." I hear him mutter and try to surpress a laugh.

His mom sticks her head in again and says "Remember to use protection." before giving me a tight smile and quickly retreating.

We hear 5 familiar girls giggling on the other side of the door.

His sisters no doubt.

Syaoran groans audibly and theres more giggling before foot steps recede down the hall.

I tell Syaoran it's his fault our families think we dig each other _that_ way and that it'd be best never to see each other again.

He reminds me that I was the one who declared we were married at a family barbecue back when we were 5 and that we'd already planned to have a dozen children when we were old enough.

Point 2 for Syao.

He climbs back onto the bed and asks me when I'd like to start our family.

He's grinning and theres a mischievious glint in his eye so I know he's just teasing.

I give him the bird, shove him off the bed and climb out through his window.

* * *

Hey guys. This chappie sort of JUST happened. LOL...I don't know..what do you guys think?? r and r and tell me if you liked it or not. The plot will develop over the next few chapters. Thanks for reading!! Sorry for any typos.!!


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